Jeremy Clarkson Apologizes for Kaleb’s Absence and Reveals “Worst Harvest Ever” at Diddly Squat

Farm life doesn’t always go to plan—and Jeremy Clarkson just proved it again.
At Hawkstone’s VIP Summer Party on July 14, held at his Farmer’s Dog pub, the Clarkson’s Farm star made a surprising and honest announcement: co-star Kaleb Cooper was absent due to a catastrophic start to the harvest season at Diddly Squat Farm.

Kaleb’s Combine Crisis

According to Jeremy, Kaleb had planned to unveil a brand-new version of Hawkstone cider at the event. But just 15 minutes into harvesting, his new combine harvester broke down.

“We got the combine fixed,” Jeremy explained to the crowd, “and then—for the first time in four months—it rained.”

The unexpected downpour soaked the oats they were supposed to harvest. With moisture levels too high to continue working, Kaleb had no choice but to stay on the farm and monitor the crop conditions.

“This Year’s Harvest Will Be Worse Than the Last”

Clarkson didn’t mince words when it came to this season’s outlook:

“Last year was the second worst harvest ever recorded, and we think this year is going to be even worse,” he warned. “It just hasn’t rained.”

Despite the grim situation, Jeremy took a moment to thank the crowd for their support of British farming by buying Hawkstone beer—his increasingly successful farm-brewed beverage.

Pubs, Peroni, and Pyrotechnic Jokes

In classic Clarkson fashion, he couldn’t resist turning a complaint into comedy.

“If you go into a pub and they’re selling Peroni, they’re backing Italian farming,” he joked. “If they’re Italian, that’s fine. But if they’re not—we should set fire to the place!”

The joke drew roaring laughter from the audience, proving once again that Jeremy’s wit still packs a punch.

Surprise Performances and a Banned Ad

The event wasn’t short on entertainment. Guests were treated to:

A performance by The Wurzels, a legendary Somerset band famous for farming-themed songs like Combine Harvester and I Am A Cider Drinker.
The debut of the Hawkstone Choir, described by Jeremy as “bona fide farmers who can genuinely sing.”
A cheeky “banned advert” featuring the choir singing a bold, explicit jingle:

“F*** me, it’s good.”

Clarkson admitted he didn’t understand why the ad was banned—until the audience heard the lyrics for themselves.

Despite weather woes and mechanical mayhem, Jeremy Clarkson is charging forward—proving once again that farming, fun, and foul-mouthed beer ads can all coexist beautifully in the world of Clarkson’s Farm.